So What Am I so Afraid Of?
by luckycali
Summary: My first fic. A Lily and James story. Their friends and Heads' duties bring them together. Give it a try and review; I could use all the help I can get.
1. Welcome Back

Disclaimer: I don't own any of it! JKR, the genius, does. As if there was any question in your minds…

So What Am I so Afraid Of?

Chapter 1: Welcome Back

Lily Evans tugged a heavy wooden trunk through a crowded platform toward a scarlet steam engine that would take her to her seventh and final year at Hogwarts. Pushing through the crowd, she headed toward the front of the train where she knew the Head's Compartment to be.

"Lily Evans! You're looking lovely this year!"

Lily knew she was still too far from her compartment to keep moving and pretend she hadn't heard, so she laboriously turned around and came face-to-face with Rita Skeeter, a busy-body Hufflepuff 6th year. "Hello, Rita," Lily sighed.

"So, Lily. Let's talk. You're Head Girl this year I see. How do you feel about that?"

"Okay, I guess. Check back with me in a few weeks when I feel like I know what I'm doing." Lily tapped her foot impatiently and checked her watch. She had 15 minutes to be on that train and ready to greet the Prefects.

"Oh I see," Rita smiled and began to scribble on a small pad of paper.

_Head Girl Lillian Evans recently admitted to this reporter that she has no idea what she's doing. _

"Ugh! Would you stop writing!" Lily was definitely getting irritated and was ready to get to her compartment.

"I'm sorry, Lily, but it's my duty to.." Rita stopped abruptly and stared at her notepad. It had gone blank.

"Tsk Tsk, Rita. Harassing the Head Girl. You could get detention for that," James Potter said leaning against a near by pillar, twirling his wand in his hand.

"James!" Rita cooed. "Care to give me a quote?"

"Oh bugger off, Rita," James smirked, and Rita, admitting defeat, retreated.

Hey, Lily," James said grinning and walking towards her. "Can I walk you to your compartment?"

"Look, Potter—James. Thanks for your help, and I know that Quinn being my best friend and Remus being yours, we're probably going to see more of each other, but we're not friends," Lily sighed.

"We could be," James offered.

"Go to your compartment, Potter."

"Well, I do have to get some stuff from Sirius, but I'm sure I'll be seeing you really soon."

Rolling her eyes, Lily started pushing to the Head's Compartment again. This summer Quinn had told Lily and Bree that she was writing to Remus Lupin. Before long, they were what Quinn categorized as "close". Lily was happy for Quinn, but she was concerned about the time she was sure to be spending with Sirius Black and James Potter.

Finally arriving in the Head's Compartment, Lily discarded her trunk and moved across the hall to the Prefect's room. In less than five minutes, the train started rolling and Prefects started pouring in.

"Welcome back, everyone. Please take a seat with the rest of your House," Lily instructed.

"Hey, Lily, whom I'm not friends with. We meet again."

Lily wheeled around to find James standing in the doorway. "Look, I really don't have time for this right now and you don't belong here."

"Actually, Lily, he belongs here. He belongs just as much as you," said Remus from the Gryffindor section.

"Hmm?" Lily said impatiently.

"You're looking at your Head Boy, Lily!" James replied merrily.

"Oh you must be kidding," Lily marveled. Then, seeing that they weren't, she moved on. "Okay, let's get this meeting started."

"Hello, Prefects, and welcome back! I'm James Potter and I'll be your Head Boy this year. Shocking, yes, but true all the same. And…" He glanced at Lily, indicating that she should introduce herself.

"I'm Lily Evans, Head Girl. Basically all we need to cover today is patrol schedule for the train ride and the first week. I've devised a plan that I think will suit everyone. For today, we'll spend approximately eight hours on the train. Divided by four houses, that gives each house two hours to cover. Three years per house, everyone will patrol for 40 minutes today, and then you're done. Take these timetables. They explain what time slots you have today, and this week around the corridors." Lily began passing slips of paper around the compartment.

"That will cover everything until we can have a more in-depth meeting after classes begin. Any questions? Excellent. Lily, anything to add or alter?" James asked.

"No, I think we've covered it," Lily said, amazed that James had even the slightest idea what he was doing.

"Great! Meeting adjourned!"

Lily slipped back through to the Head's Compartment to drop off the notebook she had been storing the timetables in.

"Bree and Quinn told me to tell you they're in the compartment directly across from ours. Very back of the train," James said coming into the compartment.

"Oh, okay. Thanks," Lily said absentmindedly, and she slide back out of the compartment and set off to find her friends.

"Lily looks amazing," James informed his friends once he got back to his compartment.

"You know who looks amazing this year?" Sirius asked. "Hannah Clawson. Have you seen her?"

"Hufflepuff 5th year?" James asked.

"6th year," Remus corrected.

"So close."

"Oh and did you guys see Connor Yards? Dimwit broke his arm not even a week ago. Muggle mum. Made him cast it. Won't be playing in his first Quidditch match this year," Sirius laughed.

"Ravenclaw 3rd year?" James guessed.

"Slytherin 5th," Remus answered again.

"Oh not even close, James," Sirius said, and quickly after ducked a wizard chess bishop that had been tossed at him. "So, tell us more about Evans."

"Well, to begin with her hairs gotten longer..." James started.

Lily, Bree, and Quinn slide into a carriage outside Hogsmeade station. As they traveled up the grounds they talked about the year that lay ahead.

"I can't believe it's our last year," Quinn whispered. She was always the sentimental, nostalgic type.

"It's gonna be great," Bree reminded her. "We're gonna make it the best ever."

Lily looked at her friends. Bree was smiling, obviously thinking of all the ways they would "make it the best." Bree was the tallest of the girls, standing only 5'6, and had long black hair that fell perfectly straight down to her waist. Bree looked like she could handle herself, and she could. Quinn was staring at the illuminated castle. Quinn also looked exactly like she was: innocent. Quinn's hair was perfectly blonde matching her stunning blue eyes. Her hair fell in curls around her eyes and shoulders.

Smiling, Lily slouched back into her seat. "Yeah, we'll make it our best year."

(A/N: And so concludes the first chapter of my first fic. Is it awful? For those who don't know, my name is Cali. Feel free to email me at . Please review. Should I continue with another chapter? REVIEW! PS: I'm a bit of an authors note fiend. But I promise to always put them at the end so if you'd like, you can scroll right past it. REVIEW! Thanks!)


	2. Welcome Back, cont

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything, and I'm pretty sure you still knew that.

So What Am I so Afraid Of?

Chapter 2: Welcome Back, Cont.

A lengthy carriage ride later, Lily slipped into a seat at the Gryffindor table next to Quinn.

"Is it possible for you to be so hungry your stomach explodes?" Bree asked rhetorically. " 'Cause I think I'm nearing that point."

"Puh-lease. We're going to be eating soon," Quinn smirked. "Besides, you're starting to sound like a Marauder." Bree glared at Quinn.

"You called, Fair Lady?" Sirius Black slipped into the seat across from Quinn and directly next to Bree.

"Black! I don't want you next to me! If I had it my way, you'd be at another table. Move!" Bree pushed Sirius out of his seat.

"Funny thing," Sirius said to James, who was now on Lily's right, "she doesn't seem to like me much."

"Well," Remus commented, "If I recall, you don't like her much either. It's not nice to turn a girl's wardrobe invisible, so she can't find her clothes. Especially on the last day of term."

"Oh I did that, didn't I?" Sirius said, more proudly than he should; Bree shoved him out of his seat again.

Silence fell suddenly upon the Great Hall as Professor McGonagall led in the line of timid First Years.

Before them she placed a rickety looking stool and a tattered, old hat.

"The Sorting Hat," she announced to the masses.

Surprisingly, as the Sorting Hat opened its ripped mouth and began its song, the stool below it suddenly exploded.

As commotion settled, the Sorting Hat could be seen resting on the ground, with a livid looking McGonagall staring around the Hall.

The Marauders avoided her gaze and attempted to look innocent, but even as the ignored Prof. McGonagall, Lily stared them down.

"That wasn't very Head Boy-like, James. Or Prefect-like, Remus. And Sirius, you must have some common sense!" She hissed across the table. "Those First Years must be terrified now!"

"Let the Sorting continue," Professor Dumbledore proclaimed, and Professor McGonagall stepped forward to retrieve the Sorting Hat.

After each First Year had been placed with the proper House, Professor Dumbledore stood. "Welcome, Students!" Silence fell on the Great Hall as Professor Dumbledore began to speak. "Today begins another Year, to some your First, others your Last. I assure you, both will bring you surprises and challenges. Tuck in!"

"It is about time!" Bree breathed.

"Ah, finally something we agree on," Sirius mumbled before starting to load his plate.

Directly following the Feast, Lily, Bree, and Quinn left to their dormitory to unpack their belongings.

"I cannot believe that played a prank on the first night we're here," Lily ranted.

"Oh, come on, Lil. It wasn't even a big prank. Pretty minor actually," Quinn reasoned.

"Well, someone seems more prone to siding with the Marauders since she got "close" with Remus," Bree pointed out.

"Oops, silly me, I forgot. From now on, remind me. We find all Marauder pranks indecent, inappropriate, and inexcusable." She laughed. "Lighten up, Lily."

"Perhaps you're right," Lily said. Then turning from her bed to face Quinn, she grinned, "But they couldn't think of anything better than exploding the Sorting Hat's stool?"

"Maybe it was a bit weak, but did you see how scared the First Years looked?" Bree laughed.

"Head Girl Lily seemed pretty disappointed in you this evening, Prongs," Sirius snickered. He was watching James lose magnificently to Remus in Wizard's Chess for the fourth time that day.

"She was amused. She just didn't realize it," James answered, not looking up from the board.

"Silly of her really, to not even know when she finds something funny," Remus said. Then added, "Checkmate."

"Bloody hell!" James moaned. "I'm really no good at this am I?"

Sirius laughed. "Better at chess than winning over Evans."

"You'd think that, but I really haven't started to try with her yet. This year, that's when it all begins." James tried to sound at though he believed himself. He'd been trying to impress Lily forever.

"Yeah, Padfoot," Remus said tipping back in him chair. "All these years James hasn't been making a fool of himself for Lily. He's been doing that on purpose."

"Sarcasm not appreciated," James said, and he started up the stairs to the dorm.

"Think he's got a chance?" Sirius asked Remus.

"Probably has a better chance than he knows."

"You know what I think?" Bree asked sitting down at the breakfast table. "I'll tell you what I think. We shouldn't have classes our first day back. I'm far too tired. We should have a day to adjust to the time change."

"There isn't a time change, Bree. You're just lazy," Lily said over the top of her Daily Prophet.

"Oh is that it?" Bree smiled through a mouthful of toast.

"Morning, Lady Lily, Beautiful Bree. Have a restful night's sleep?"

"James, if that wasn't so incredibly predictable and corny, it might come close to polite," Lily said, still behind her paper.

"What she meant to say was 'I had a lovely night, James. Thank you for asking. And yourself?'" Bree corrected.

"Yeah, that, too," Lily said, waving her hand with impatient.

"So what's our fist class," Remus asked, having just come into the Great Hall hand-in-hand with Quinn.

"Herbology, followed up with Potions," Lily sighed, finally putting down her paper.

"Oh lucky us," James said, stabbing his eggs unnecessarily hard.

"Remind me again why we didn't just drop Potions," Quinn asked Lily specifically.

"Because to get a decent job in this World, you need Potions," Lily said for the thousandth time.

"Anyone seen Sirius?" Remus asked cutting off whatever smart reply Quinn was ready to make.

"I would venture to guess he's still in bed," James sighed. "I'll go get him." He swung his legs over the bench and started to leave.

"Lemme come with you. I left a book in the common room," Lily said, readying herself to leave.

"Oh, okay," James said, eyes widening. He had to think of something to say once alone with her. Something thoughtful or profound.

Leading him out of the Hall, Lily turned to James. "I didn't actually leave a book in the common room. I just wanted to be alone with you. About what I said yesterday, about us not being friends. I've been thinking about it, and maybe I was kinda harsh. I mean, it's worth a try right?"

James just nodded. He actually felt like dancing. She said they could be friends. 'See,' He thought, a little too cockily. 'She's falling for me already.'

'See,' Lily thought to herself. 'I might be able to tolerate him.'

(A/N: Hey again! I honestly don't like this chapter. I actually intended to start classes in this chapter, but I realized I wanted to set up the Sirius/Bree dynamic and establish the characters a little better before I moved into classes. So I promise next chapter will start classes and hopefully some more action. It's kinda slow right now. **Review! **Do you want another chapter? I'm gonna type it up right now so it'll be ready to post. Thanks, Cali)


	3. Classes

Disclaimer: Still not the owner...

So What Am I so Afraid Of?

Chapter 3: Classes

"Gather 'round, gather 'round," Professor Warmeire, Herbology, shouted to the class. She was a tall woman with mounds of gray hair piled atop her head mixed with flakes of soil. She was known to teach a fairly easy class and give points for minor accomplishments. "Today we're going to be pruning the Loconium plants."

"That sounds appealing," Sirius said cautiously sliding forward.

"What are Loconium plants used for?" Professor Warmeire asked the class.

"Relieving the common cold," James replied, pausing briefly in his conversation with Sirius.

"Who can tell me what is dangerous about pruning Loconiums?" Professor Warmeire asked distributing eye goggles to the class.

"If you let them, they'll take your wand and try to 'prune' you back," Remus said nonchalantly.

"Excellent, Mr. Lupin. 10 points. Now, divide up, two to three at a table. Don't rush and be attentive!"

Lily adopted a table for her, Bree, and Quinn.

"Could these goggles be any uglier?" Bree asked trying to fit them around her hair.

"Hey, guys?" Quinn slide up between Bree and Lily. "Would it bother you terribly if I worked at my own table with Remus?"

"Absolutely not!" Lily smiled.

"Go!" Bree said pushing Quinn towards Remus, "and take good notes, because you're gonna tell us everything."

As Lily began jabbing haphazardly at the Loconium, trying to look like she really cared, Bree turned to her grinning. "Quinn's really happy, huh?"

"I think so," Lily sighed. "Not we just gotta get ourselves happy. Agree? Think we can find ourselves a couple of guys?"

Flipping her hair over her shoulder, Bree laughed. "I know we can."

"Duck!" Sirius was heard yelling from the opposite end of the greenhouse before a foul-looking Loconium shot sparks out of Sirius's wand.

"Class dismissed!" yelled Professor Warmeire as she hurtled toward Sirius and James's table trying to stun the plant.

"Does anyone else feel like they may never see daylight again?" James asked as the sauntered down to the dungeons.

"Wanna make a run for it? Skive off Potions?" Sirius mumbled hopefully.

"Would, but that wouldn't be very 'Head Boy-like' of me would it?" James mocked Lily.

"Oh shut up, Potter, and get out of here if you're going. By all means, don't let me stop you," Lily said in a tone that suggested the beginnings of a rant.

"No, no, Lily. I'm going to Potions, and I'm going to keep _you_ company _all_ lesson," James smirked.

"Lucky me," Lily mumbled.

"Find a seat," Professor Joleston barked coming into the classroom. A thin man who could hardly be considered tall, Professor Joleston still had the power to silence the entire class with only a word. Impatient and unreasonable, he was only fair in that he treated all four houses horribly. He was constantly assigning "partner work", but placing students with the exact opposite of who they wanted for a partner. "Find the desk with the folder labeled with your name."

Lily strode over to a desk between Lucius Malfoy and some too-talkative Slytherin girl she didn't know.

"This is your seat this term. No changes will be made."

Glancing across the room, Lily saw Quinn sandwiched between to large Slytherin's she recognized as their Quidditch team's beaters. Bree sat in a secluded area with Severus Snape. James, she noticed, was next to a blonde girl who kept batting her eyelashes at him.

"Directly inside your folder is a slip of paper. There, you will find the name of your permanent lab partner."

Dreading what she would find, Lily opened her folder. The slip that fell out made her want to scream: _Lucius Malfoy._

"You, Quinn, were so right. We should have run from Potions when we had the chance," Lily proclaimed following Quinn out of the dungeons, heading toward lunch.

"Told you it'd be tragic," Quinn said, though she didn't sound at all victorious.

"I cannot believe I'm lab partners with Snape," Bree whined.

"You?" Sirius asked, shocked. He sat down with the girls at the Gryffindor table. "Me, James, and Remus all got girls who are denser than me!"

"James, Remus, and I," Remus corrected sitting next to Quinn.

"You know, Moony, that grammar won't get you very far if I've locked you in a trunk," Sirius sighed irritably.

"Oh my gosh!" James said exasperatedly sitting down next to Lily. "Did you see that Tanya Nott girl? I wanted to curse her eyelashes off just so she couldn't keep blinking!"

"Malfoy threatened to tell Dumbledore that I hit him," Lily said trying to sound casual.

"You hit him?" James asked, amazed.

"He touched my leg," Lily said, obviously not casually.

"Where is he?" Sirius said angrily.

"Yeah, we'll do worse that 'hit' him," James put in.

"No big deal," Lily sighed. "I can take care of myself." She added, rolling the cherry tomatoes off to the side of her salad.

"Sure?" James asked. " 'Cause we can help make Malfoy see it our way if you'd like," James told her, leaning over and eating the cherry tomatoes of her plate.

_Two feet of parchment- Define each ingredient in Skele-Gro. Explain thouroughly why this solution acts the way it does. What makes it re-grow bones?_

Lily sat in the library absentmindedly twirling her quill. She had no idea where to find the ingredients of Skele-Gro. This assignment was pointless.

"Hey!" Someone said in her ear causing her to jump. Coming around the table James sat down across from her.

"Come to prevent me from doing my homework?" Lily asked annoyed. " 'Cause I'm not in the mood for your immaturity."

"How _friendly_ of you," James grinned.

"You're going to hold me to that whole 'friend' thing, huh?" Lily sighed.

"Yeah, but I'm actually just here to tell you McGonagall stopped me today. We have a meeting with Dumbledore tonight after dinner."

"Okay, thanks. I'll see you at dinner," Lily said, flipping open a book, resuming her search for Skele-Gro.

"Magical Remedies of Yesterday and Today. Page 289. A complete list of Skele-Gro ingredients. Me and Remus were here earlier. It's on that shelf," James indicated.

"Thanks," Lily said again, and she set off to the shelf.

(A/N: Chapter 3! Ok so here's this one…I don't think I'm going to post so much this weekend. I think I'll try and wait for some reviews. So Review!! Thanks! , Cali PS- I don't have Book 2 around so I'm pretty confident I spelled Skele-Gro wrong, I'm sorry. Secondly, I don't have so much time to edit, so this chapter may be more error-ous. Sorry! Better next time, I promise!)


	4. ImpossibleImpractical

Disclaimer: I bet you can guess….

So What Am I so Afraid Of?

Chapter 4: Impossible/Impractical

Lily finished her dinner and turned sideways to continue her conversation with Bree and Quinn.

"I can't believe we already have Potions and Defense Against Dark Arts essays. You know McGonagall will give us more homework tomorrow, too."

Quinn sighed. "I know; it's the first day and I'm already tired of classes."

"You wanna know what I think," Bree began. "I'll tell you want I think. They expect far too much of us. I can't keep up!"

"Maybe if you stopped brushing your hair for a minute you might be able to get more done."

"Hello to you too, Black," Bree said turning to glare at Sirius who had just sat down, James alongside him.

"You ready, Lil? We've gotta go…"

"Yes, yes, I know…go meet Dumbledore. Thank you I can keep up," Lily answered swinging her bag over her shoulder. "I'll see you guys back at the dorm. Come on, James. We haven't got all night."

"She's in a good mood," James whispered to Bree and Quinn before following Lily out of the Hall.

"Come in," Professor Dumbledore said through the door.

Lily pushed open the door, and James followed her into the office.

"Welcome, and congratulations on being chosen Heads this year," Professor Dumbledore beamed at them.

"Thanks, sir," James replied sitting.

"Yes it's quite an honor," Lily responded.

"This year I'm sure you'll make one of the bests, but to ensure that, we need to discuss a few things tonight. First, patrolling. Someone needs to be patrolling the hallways every evening after hours. You'll take shifts. Each set of prefects will have four nights a week on which they have patrolling hours: two hours per night. Saturdays we will rotate; no one should have to work every Saturday." Dumbledore chuckled. "Professor McGonagall and I have already formulated timetable for that. This brings us to our next topic: Prefects Meetings. You'll need to have a meeting to distribute timetables."

"How often do we have to have meetings?" Lily asked.

"As often as you like, though I'd suggest no less than once a month," Professor Dumbledore answered.

"Once a month it is," James smiled.

"I think every two weeks would be best, James," Lily said, turning to stare at him.

"Nonsense, Lily," James said casually, "you're just being over zealous."

"No, James," Lily countered annoyed, "you're just being lazy."

"Lily, I hardly think we need to have a meeting every other week to say: 'Things are going great. Keep up the good work.'" James voice was rising.

"I think perhaps you two will settle this another time. Let's move on," said Professor Dumbledore, putting an end to that argument. "The last thing we need to address this session is the first Hogsmeade date. What would you suggest?"

Lily flipped open the organizer she carried in her bag. "How about September 27th?"

"That won't work. Witch Weekly's Annual Smile Awards are taking place. The place will be unbelievably packed," James informed.

"Oh, how silly of me," Lily said sarcastically, flipping the page in her calendar. "Okay, October 4th?"

"No!" James practically shouted. "It's the first Quidditch match!"

Fine!" Lily sighed. "October 11th. Final offer."

"I think that will do nicely. Wonderful suggestion." Dumbledore agreed. "Thank you for taking time to attend this meeting. I think we made some important decisions. Goodnight!"

By the time they reached the bottom of the stone gargoyle's steps, all Lily's anger was ready to be released. She rounded on James.

"Could you have agreed with one thing I said in there tonight?" She shouted, "or are you just trying to be difficult?"

"Sorry," James said lazily, "just trying to help."

"Trying to help? You were making ever thing impossible!"

"Why because I corrected your Hogsmeade dates and don't want meetings constantly?"

"That's not it, James. Look, I'm going to have to be Head Girl alongside you this year, and it is going to be a successful year. That means that I can't have you acting out and being Marauder-ish!"

James scoffed. "Marauder-ish? How dare you imply that my friends have anything to do with you being an insufferable control-freak!"

"You are impossible!"

"You are impractical!"

"Fine," Lily yelled.

"Fine," James yelled back, and both turned abruptly on their heel and stormed in the other direction.

"I despise James Potter!" Lily yelled stomping into her dorm room.

"Went that well, huh?" Bree smiled.

"He is an ignorant prat! He just sits there disagreeing with everything I have to say, smirking like an idiot, and acting like he's superior. Does he have a better, valid idea to offer? No! He's just being disagreeable. Git!"

"He likes you," Quinn put in.

"Oh please don't start," Lily said falling dramatically to her bed. "I'm going to sleep. G'night." Then she shut her curtains but could still be heard muttering under her breath.

"That girl is a basket-case!" James raged in the boys' dorm. "She just expects me to agree with her on everything."

"Ah, love is hard, isn't it, Prongs?" Sirius laughed.

"Please! She's too dense and self-absorbed to even notice that I like her. She's so self-centered it's sickening."

"And yet, you still wake up every morning for her," Remus said as he carefully folded his things and reorganized them in his trunk.

"I wish she'd get a clue!" James continued.

"She probably wishes you'd get one, too." Remus said reasonably.

(A/N: I think this is my shortest chapter, but it's got a little more going on and I'm about to type and post one more tonight. Review!! Any comments, critics, or questions? Thanks and love, Cali PS: Next chapter I intend to thank all my reviewers individually.)


	5. Compromise

So What Am I so Afraid Of?

Chapter 5: Compromise

Lily and James weren't speaking. Actually, they were more than not speaking. They were going

out of their to avoid each other. James had taken to skipping lessons more often, only going if

absolutely necessary. Lily submerged herself in work, going to meals extremely early or late, never

during the rush.

One morning at breakfast, Quinn said exactly what everyone else had been thinking. "You are

going to have to talk to him eventually you know."

"Not actually," Lily declared sounding like she had been considering the issue at length.

"Technically we could just divide up all the Heads' duties and never speak again."

"Oh come on, Lil, this isn't even the worst fight you two have had," Bree said, barely pausing to

look up from where she was copying Lily's transfiguration questions.

"No, but I think it was the first time James dissapointed her when she was actually counting on

him," Quinn sighed knowledgably.

"No, no, I wasn't...I'm not...couting on him," Lily trailed off as her eyes shifted toward the

entrance to the Great Hall.

"496...497. 497 steps from the Common Room to the Hall," Sirius announced victoriously.

Lily locked eyes briefly with James before she quickly turned away, carefully avoiding his gaze

the rest of the meal. He, in turn, slipped into a seat at the far end of the table.

"You were looking at her," Sirius declared.

"Way to be tackful, Padfoot," Remus said, shaking his head slightly. To James he added,

"When are you going to confront her?"

James glanced down at her hastily. Refocusing on Remus, "I don't intend to. Obviously,

Stubborn Lily believes she was perfectly right to yell at me. I'm not going to be the one who fixs

this."

"But, James.." Sirius started, but he was cut off quickly by Remus shaking his head at him.

Lily was buried under a mountain of textbooks and parchment, but she wasn't distracted. She

hadn't written a word; she was, instead, drafting a conversation with James in her head. If she was

going to tell him she was wrong and sorry, she would have to know exactly what to say.

She soon found, however, that, being unable to predict his responses, she was getting nowhere.

So, in defeat, she resorted to the last possible option.

James- (She wrote)

I'm really sorry about the way things have been happening this past week. I realize now that it is in

large part my fault.

So, I'm willing to take the blame if you agree to show up to the Prefect's Meeting Thursday.

I miss you,

L.E.

PS- Meetings once a month. Truce?

James watched one of the school barn owls swoop towards him at breakfast. He had no idea

who would be writing him.

"Who's that from?" Sirius asked, leaning over his full plate to examine James' note.

James glanced down at the signiture and quickly snatched the page out of Sirius' view. "No

one." He then added, "Ready for Charms today?"

The day passed unnaturally slowly for James. All he could think about was getting to the

Prefect's meeting that evening. He beat Lily to the Transfiguration classroom by 10 minutes that

evening. Slowly, the Prefects began to trickle in until finally all were present.

"Thank you all for being here tonight. This is our first official Prefect's meeting of many," Lily

said, calling the meeting to order.

"We will have Prefect's meetings every third week," Here James passed, glancing at Lily. This

was his peace offering, a compromise. "For those of you who can't count, we'll send around

reminders as the time nears."

"First Hogsmeade weekend will be on October 11th," Lily continued.

After the metting, James hung back, hoping to walk with Lily to the common room. He watched

her from the doorway as she stacked papers and folders. Finally, she looked up.

"Can I walk you back?" James asked, offering his arm.

She took it and they began walking. "I really want to thank you for what you did today," Lily

said quietly. "You didn't have to change it to every 3 weeks."

"I know," James said lightly, "but I wanted to."

They spent the rest of the walk back talking about the Prefects. Some they found annoying,

other's made them laugh. Finally, they arrived at the bottom of the stair case.

"So," James said, sounding slightly awkward. "Maybe we could have breakfast together

tomorrow or something."

"We'll see," Lily said. Then she laughed. "I might be too busy having breakfast with Sirius or

somebody." Then she wrinkled her nose at the thought.

(AN: Hey! It's only been about, idk, six years since I've updated. But, I've renewed my interest in this story, and intend to start it back up again. This is not the best chapter I know, but it will at least get me out of that lull I worked myself into. More to come! Love, CaliREVIEW!)


	6. Transition

So What Am I so Afraid Of?

Chapter 6 (is it?): Transition

Disclaimer: Dare I waste my fingers' strength typing what you already know; obviously, if I am spending my time typing my story for you on I do Not own Harry Potter..or anything for that matter)

Lily woke up a little late the next morning, quickly cleaned up, and rushed down to breakfast. As she entered the Great Hall, she scanned the room and found Bree and Quinn sitting, once again, with the Marauders. She slide into a seat near Quinn and took a piece of toast.

"See, Lil, I told you we'd have breakfast together this morning," James said smiling.

"See, James, I told you I wanted to have breakfast with Sirius this morning," Lily replied casually, wiping the grin off James' face.

"Anyways," Quinn said as an obvious attempt at changing the subject, "Gryffindor's first Quidditch match is far. You guys getting ready, James?"

"Naturally," Sirius whined," James only has us practicing, like, every night of the week."

"Hey!" James said indignantly, "I just want us to win."

"And you will. Don't worry about it," Remus interrupted Sirius, who was opening his mouth to respond.

Classes were moving by very slowly over the next few weeks. Lily was keeping busy trying to balance her homework and Heads' duties, but none were busier than James, who was falling behind with his homework and trying to help Lily with Heads' work, while assembling his Quidditch team.

Lily woke one night with a start. She had been havign a nightmare but couldn't remember what it was about. Glancing at her watch, she saw that it was around one in the morning, and she couldn't fall back to sleep. She crept silently down to the common room and was surprised to find James still awake and bent over an essay.

"James Potter! What are you doing still awake?" She scolded.

James looked up at Lily, fatigue evident in his eyes. "I've gotta get this done, and there's another oen after this. And I still have more to do this week, but I had practice after dinner, and I was already behind, and.."

"Can I help?"

Lily took the seat across from James and pulled some of his books toward her. He looked so tired she felt horrible for him.

"So what's this essay on..." she asked herself mroe than him. "Reasons giant could never be in regular wizarding societies..you can do this James. You know this stuff. And this one it's just regular Transfiguration, you're great at that. You start on that nad I'll highlight some passages about giant wars."

"Hey, Lily?"

"Hmm?" she said not looking up.

"You don't have do to this, you know," James said warily.

"I know," Lily said, making eye contact, "but I want to."

James woke up with a cramp in his leg. He stretched and heard something fall on the floor. Opening his eyes, he realized he was in the common room on the end of one of the couches. At the other end, separated from him by a mass of textbooks, was Lily.

"Lil," James whispered, "Lil, wake up."

"Mmm...James...leave me alone, I'm tired.."

"You wanna ditch classes today. We could hang around here together. Maybe get some sleep," James offered.

That woke Lily up. "Absolutely not, James Potter. You are already behind. We'll go to classes, and at lunch we'll go to the library where we'll work on our homework, so you can have practices after dinner with out falling behind. Got it?"

"Yeah, okay...I guess." James wasn't looking forward to giving up his lunch for homework, but at least it was some time with Lily.

"Blue or red?" Bree asked, holding up two hair bows.

"Neither, those are too big for your outfit," Quinn said reasonably. Just then, Lily ambled into the room in her pajamas.

"Late night, Lillian? Where were you?" Bree questioned suggestively.

"I was with James...doing homework!" Lily said forcefully.

"Ah, the old 'doing homework' hoax," Quinn teased.

"What about you, Quinn? How's Remus? Hmm?" Lily turned the attention from herself.

"Absolutely lovely. We're going to Hogsmeade on the 11th."

"We've gotta get to breakfast," Bree said, noticing her watch.

James tried to slip into the boys' dorm without anyone notcing that he had been missing, but he failed dissmally.

"Out all night! No idea where you are! Could have been dead for all I knew!" Sirius screeched in a high pitched voice as soon as James came through the door.

"Oh give it a rest, Padfoot," James said, obviously exhausted.

"Seriously though, where were you?" Remus questioned, coming out of the bathroom.

"In the common room, doing homework with Lily," James said truthfully.

"Ahhhhh...with Lily," Sirius repeated.

James rolled his eyes. "I assure you; nothing happened...No such luck," He added under his breath.

(AN: Not the best. I've noticed that like each chapter ends with me saying its not my best. However, this is my fist fic and I'm just trying to get it moving. I think I'm gonna start some stuff in the next chapter. I have more action planned, so the Quidditch game and _more_ will be next chapter. The chapters are gonna come faster, because I'm moving into the parts that I already have planned. This first part has been kind of off the top of my head. Stick with me and Review It'll get better. , Love Cali)


	7. Night Fights

So What Am I So Afraid Of?

Chapter Seven: Night Fights

Early Saturday morning, the Gryffindor Quidditch team could be found gathered together in the Great Hall, listening to James describe the components of a well-balanced breakfast that would lead the team to victory. Most team members, however, seemed to still be asleep.

Despite the team's sluggish showing at breakfast, it seemed James really had prepared them for the match. Lily sat in the stands, clutching her scarf against the chilly October winds. To her left, Quinn and Remus were chatting energetically, possibly unaware that they were even at the Quidditch match. Lily was left with Bree, a big Quidditch fan, who was jumping up and down, shouting at various players, and hurling insults at unsuspecting Ravenclaws.

"Hey, Gillian! Why not have McGonagall play seeker instead? She'd be a helluva lot faster than you!"

Lily couldn't help but laugh at her rambunctious friend, yet she soon found herself getting swept into the action.

Two hours into the match, the scoring had been minimal. Gryffindor only led by 70-40, and, as a light drizzle began to fall from the sky, many less-than-enthusiastic spectators were losing interest in the game. The match soon ended on a more impressive note as Gillian and James both drove towards the ground within seconds of each other.

"GO, JAMES!" Lily stood shouting, surprising everyone around her, including herself. She watched anxiously, unable to tell if James would reach the Snitch first. Sirius unexpectedly saved the day by slamming a bludger toward the plummeting seekers. James, hearing its approach, swerved expertly. Gillian was knocked way off course though she managed to stay seated on her broom.

"Go, James, go! Hurry, hurry!" Lily resumed shouting, hardly aware of what was coming out of her mouth. She watched breathlessly as James snagged the Snitch out of the air, simultaneously ending and winning the game.

In one large wave, the school flooded into the Great Hall, prepared to devour their lunch. The Gryffindor table was obnoxiously loud, and the Marauders, naturally, wasted no time in planning for their first official House Party of the year.

"Okay, James, you'll slip into Hogsmeade and order the necessary drinks," Remus delegated over lunch. "I'll go down to the kitchens and persuade the house elves to provide some party food, and Sirius…"

"Be sure to give him a relatively simple task," Bree interrupted. "He can't handle much more."

"Ignore She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. That's her clever way of saying '_Congrats on the Quidditch win, Sirius'_," Sirius advised Remus, glaring down the table at Bree.

"Then, Sirius, you get to arranging the common room and hanging up whatever decorations you see fit. We'll meet in the dorm to make sure everything's in order at five." Remus slid off the bench, smiling at Quinn and heading towards the door with James and Sirius.

Lily jumped up, startling Bree and Quinn, and followed the boys out the door. "James!" she called after him.

James stopped on the stairs, giving her a chance to catch up. "What can I do for you, my Head Girl?"

Lily shuffled her feet a little, unsure of how he would react to the request she was about to make. "Look," she started, uncertainly, "I know you Marauders usually drink at these parties…"

"You want me to get rid of the alcohol?" James asked, stopping her mid-sentence.

"No, no, I wouldn't expect that. Sirius would overthrow me with guerrilla warfare. I was just wondering if maybe you'd do me the favor of not drinking tonight. I mean, I don't mind the parties. But us being the Heads, we have a responsibility to maintain some kind of order, and I just think it would be a lot easier if you weren't impaired. You know the old 'Two Heads are better than one'," Lily finished lamely.

"Of course, Lily, not a problem," James said, shocking Lily. Then with a grin, he continued on to Hogsmeade.

"See you tonight!" Lily yelled to the practically empty corridor.

By the time Lily, Bree, and Quinn made it to the common room that night, it seemed every other Gryffindor was already there. Sirius had found it fitting to hang crimson and yellow streamers from what appeared to be every inch of the ceiling. Large colorful banners hung from the walls, featuring the faces of the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

Quinn quickly gravitated toward Remus, with a shove from Bree and Lily. The remaining two weaved through the crowd toward the fireplace, joining a large group of older students. Bree jumped into conversation with Andy Lauphan, a popular sixth year.

Easily bored, Lily resigned herself to patrolling the party. After an hour, the most exciting events of Lily's evening had been confiscating a trick exploding Butterbeer and separating two randy second years.

The evening soon livened up, however, when Lily found Remus and Quinn standing about five feet apart, shouting at each other.

"It'd be one thing if you had an excuse," Quinn screamed, her face turning an unflattering shade of scarlet.

"I don't know what you expect me to say," Remus sounded as though he was trying to maintain his calm, but he looked exasperated.

"How about: _'Quinn, I'm canceling on you the week before our first date because…'_"

"It is not that simple, Quinn. I don't have a straightforward explanation for it," Remus sighed.

"You just don't want to go with me, do you?" Quinn cried.

"Not if you're going to act like this, I certainly don't," Remus yelled at her.

_'Ouch,_' Lily thought. _'Way-wrong answer.' _And she wandered off, looking for anywhere else to go.

Unfortunately, it wasn't long until Lily stumbled into another very similar battle. She found Sirius and Bree staring at each other near the refreshments table and decided to go defuse the situation as quickly as she could.

"Would you kindly watch where you're stomping?" Bree hissed as Sirius ran into her from behind.

"I can't help it that you block most of the table, Bree-normous," Sirius shot back.

"You know what, I've had about enough of you," Bree said, advancing on Sirius and drawing her wand.

"Prove it," Sirius challenged, pulling his own wand from his robes.

"Expelliarmus," Lily shouted, reaching up to catch both wands. "You two couldn't possibly be that stupid, could you?" Neither shifted the stares from one another to make eye contact with Lily. "Go to bed! Both of you! Now!" And she watched as they trudged up their separate staircases.

As far as Lily was concerned, this was the worst party in Gryffindor history. Most everyone seemed to be having a good time, but her mind swirled with the images of the arguments she'd witnessed. Making her way to the refreshments table, she tried to find something that appealed. Dillon Brewer handed her a red glass. "What's this?" she asked, sniffing it.

"Firewhiskey for the exhausted Head Girl," the fourth year answered smugly. And without giving herself time to reconsider, Lily downed it. And within half an hour, four more.

By the time Lily ran into James, she was having a great time. Quite literally running into him, Lily threw her arms around James's neck for balance. "Hi, James!" she sang.

Having more than enough experience with Firewhiskey, James didn't need to be told what was wrong with Lily. He just looked at her, his face a combination of anger and disappointment.

"You know what, Lily. I'm through with you."

(AN: Hi Guys, it's Cali. This story has been out of circulation for a long time, despite my previous chapter's promise of a coming update. When I decided to come back to it was hard to get this story going again because I couldn't remember where I was going with it. (My previous chapter told me that I had plans for a Quidditch match at least.) But here's an update, and I would realllly love it if you guys would REVIEW PLEASE! I am so glad to be back. Love, Cali Oh and PS: Sorry if the 'Bree-normous thing was incredibly lame!)


	8. It Gets Worse

Disclaimer: Not Mine

So What Am I So Afraid of?

Chapter Eight: It Gets Worse….

Lily woke up and immediately hated herself. Her head hurt; her stomach twisted, and worst of all, she felt guilty. She remembered all too clearly the disdain she had seen in James's eyes the night before. His one look had been enough to make her cheeks burn with shame and send her creeping up the stairs to her dormitory, guilt churning in her stomach. She knew he had every right to be mad. She imagined he felt betrayed; she had taken advantage of him.

Lily heard a rustling sound across the room and watched as Quinn's head emerged from a tangle of sheets. "I had the worst night," Quinn said in a choked voice, seeing that Lily was awake.

"No," came the muffled protest from Bree, "I'll bet mine was worse. You, after all, didn't get sent to bed."

"No use arguing," Lily announced, "My night tops both of yours." The girls quickly filled each other in on the events of their evenings. "I'm considering using my position to prohibit all future parties."

"Well," Bree said, smirking, "Apparently from your behavior last night, you might not keep that position."

Lily groaned audibly and sank further into her bed. She could not imagine what possessed her to drink last night. Now, every time she closed her eyes, she saw James's pained face.

Quinn, being the most sensible of the girls, soon convinced the other two that they had to eat. Checking her watch, Lily saw that it was only 6:30. If they went now, it was unlikely the Marauders would be at breakfast yet. The girls hurried to the Great Hall.

As soon as she crossed the threshold, Lily knew that the Fates were against her. There, at the far end of the table, the Marauders sat eating in what appeared to be almost complete silence. The girls chose seats at the opposite end of the table, choosing to avoid the Marauders but not hesitating to send scathing glares their way.

"I don't know what to do about James," Lily whined, looking for any advice.

"Talk to him." Quinn said, "It'll work unless he's completely closed off like Remus. Why do you think he won't go with me anymore?"

"But he was so upset with me," Lily told her best friends, "I really feel like I let him down."

All three girls jumped in surprise as the Marauders got up and walked right past them out of the Great Hall. Quinn put on her brave face; she didn't need Remus. Bree put on her mean face; Sirius Black was, after all, her nemesis. Lily put on her desperate face and followed James into the Entry Hall.

"James?" she uttered timidly, "Can I talk to you for just a second?" As he hung back from his friends, looking at her, she had a weird sense of déjà vu. "James, I am so sorry. I know you must be so mad, and I completely understand. I would be livid with you. I just really hope you can forgive me."

James stood staring at her as she rushed out her apology. Then shrugged. "Don't worry about it," he told her in a voice that seemed oddly indifferent. "I know now that I shouldn't bother counting on you. I thought you cared and wanted this to work, but it's no big deal. Forget it." And he abruptly turned and left her standing alone in the hall. Lily had woken up that morning thinking things couldn't get any worse; she now knew that things may never get any better.

The next day, the Gryffindor seventh years found themselves reluctantly returning to classes. This reluctance was largely due to the fact that they were avoiding each other.

First thing in the morning, the six Gryffindors made their way to the North Tower to what was sure to be an excruciating Divination lesson. Their teacher was a very old woman with infinite wrinkles. She was constantly getting off topic, telling some fractured story about people her students had never heard of.

"Today, class," she wheezed at them, "we will explore the very primitive forms of muggle Divination. The two variations we will concern ourselves with are the Ouija board and the Magic 8 Ball. Kindly divide into groups, and see if you can determine how these contraptions are used."

James, Sirius, and Remus quickly selected a table in the back corner of the class room. James lounged casually in his chair, waiting for class to end. Sirius put his head down on the table. "Don't leave for Transfiguration without me." Remus started writing essays for other classes.

On the opposite side of the room, Quinn and Bree sat with there finger on the Ouija board, sliding the pointer around haphazardly. Lily was frantically shaking the Magic 8 Ball, mumbling to it about reconciling with James.

The class passed slowly and accomplished little. Lily gave up "asking again later," deciding that Magic 8 Balls were the most useless muggle invention yet. Quinn and Bree were inclined to agree as their Ouija board produced little result. For example, when Quinn asked who she was going to marry, the Ouija board slowly spelled out the word 'moon.'

Heading to Transfiguration, Lily's mind again wandered to James. "How long do you think it'll be until he forgives me?" she asked her friends.

Suddenly, Bree rounded on her, stopping in the middle of the corridor. Her face was flushed, and she seemed annoyed. "I have heard enough about James," she said, glaring at Lily. "You have been so concerned with your screw-up you can't talk about anything else. It's all about fixing things with James. Yet somehow, you seem to forget that you made a mistake. You think you can just erase the whole thing. And you can't be bothered to comfort Quinn. Well that's fine. I hope you and your guilt and your denial will be very happy together."

Bree stormed down the hallway, and Quinn, with a quick glance at Lily, ran to catch up with her. Lily had never felt so alone in her entire life.

That night, the boys sat talking and doing homework in their own dorm. Still avoiding the girls, they considered the dormitory much safer than the common room.

"Full moon Friday night," Sirius said, tossing his rolled up socks into his trunk one by one from across the room.

"Yeah, I know," Remus mumbled, looking up from his Potions essay. "Why do you think I had to break off my Hogsmeade date with Quinn?"

James jumped up from his bed unexpectedly. "You know, I'm really excited about this Hogsmeade trip. In fact, I think I'm going to ask someone to go with me."

Remus sighed. "That may not be the most effective way to prove your true feelings to Lily."

"Funny thing about that," James said. "I don't care…because I'm over her." As he left the dormitory to find himself a date, there was an overwhelming air of finality.

James wandered the corridors aimlessly, unsure of who he wanted to ask to Hogsmeade. The idea of asking someone besides Lily was both freeing and terrifying. Intent on going to the kitchens instead, James headed towards the portrait of the fruit he knew so well. He stopped in the hall, however, when he heard his name.

"Hi, James," breathed Alexandra Crosby, a pretty Hufflepuff sixth year. "Where are you headed?"

"Actually," James blatantly lied, "I was coming to find you. I was wondering if you might accompany me to Hogsmeade this Saturday?"

A wide smile appeared on her face. "I wonder love that!"

"Great, I'll meet you in the entryway around 11, then," and James confidently continued to the kitchens.

Lily sat in the library, feeling frustrated and abandoned. She had mounds of homework to be concentrating on, but her friends were mad at her. She felt her eyes wandering around the room, watching people who were surely having better days than she. She felt the shock of surprise run through her when she saw none other than Sirius Black walk through the library doors. Certainly he had never been in there before. Her shock was increased when, spotting her, Sirius walked directly to her.

Pushing his hair out of his eyes, Sirius looked straight at her. "Lily, I wanted to ask you something."

(AN: Hello, All! So here's another chapter for you, to entice you to keep reviewing. I really love hearing what you have to say, and I'm always looking for ideas or suggestions. So keep the reviews coming and I'll have another update soon! Love, Cali And PS: To answer a reviewer, Peter isn't in my story because I think it's unfair how he is portrayed in most fics, as though they always knew he was a traitor. At the same time, I couldn't trust myself to portray him fairly either! Love, Cali)


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